Last week, in anticipation of Valentine’s Day, my two nieces were buzzing with excitement. Their school was hosting a Valentine’s exchange, and they eagerly decorated their Valentine’s boxes—colourful creations covered in glitter, stickers, and carefully cut-out hearts. Each box was a reflection of their personalities, a joyful expression of love and creativity.
My nephew, however, wasn’t interested. He shrugged off the idea of making a box, dismissing it as something he didn’t care for. But his sisters, rather than leaving him out, decided to make one for him. They designed it like a basketball hoop—his favourite sport—so he could “score” every time someone dropped a card inside. Watching them do this, not out of obligation but out of genuine affection, was a quiet reminder of what love truly is.
Love, at its core, is about connection. It’s not just grand gestures or romantic dinners; it’s the kindness we extend to others simply because we care. In yoga philosophy, this kind of unconditional goodwill is known as Maitri—a love that is steady, generous, and free of expectation. In many ways, it is similar to the concept of Agape in Greek philosophy—a selfless, universal love that seeks the well-being of others without attachment or personal gain. While romantic love can be fleeting, Maitri and Agape point to something deeper: a love that is steady, unwavering, and inclusive of all beings.
Valentine’s Day often focuses on romance, but what if we used it as an opportunity to practise a deeper, more expansive love—one that includes partners, friends, family, and even ourselves? The ancient wisdom of yoga offers a powerful perspective on love, reminding us that it is not something we receive but something we cultivate.
Let’s explore Maitri—the yogic philosophy of love—and how it can transform not only our relationships but the way we experience love in every part of our lives.
Maitri: The Yogic Philosophy of Love & Friendship
Maitri (मैत्री) is a Sanskrit word that means loving-kindness, benevolence, or deep friendship. It is one of the four key attitudes (Brahmaviharas) in yogic and Buddhist philosophy, guiding us toward a life of compassion, connection, and inner peace.
In The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali (1.33), Maitri is described as a powerful tool for cultivating emotional balance and harmonious relationships:
“Maitri-karuna-muditopekshanam sukha-duhkha-punyapunya-visayanam bhavanatas citta-prasadanam.”(By cultivating friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the suffering, joy for the virtuous, and equanimity toward the non-virtuous, the mind remains undisturbed and at peace.)
This verse suggests that our emotional well-being is shaped by how we relate to others. By fostering Maitri—a warm, unconditional love and goodwill—we not only strengthen our personal relationships but also create a more peaceful and loving world.
The Origins of Maitri: Love Beyond the Self
Maitri is not just about romantic love; it is an all-encompassing love that extends to:
Ourselves (self-love and self-acceptance)
Our close relationships (partners, friends, family)
Our communities and strangers (universal kindness)
The concept of Maitri is deeply rooted in both Hindu and Buddhist traditions, where it is considered an antidote to negative emotions like jealousy, resentment, and isolation. Unlike attachment-based love, Maitri is a selfless and boundless form of connection—one that is not transactional but radiates freely.
Maitri in Everyday Life: Bringing Yogic Love into the Modern World
In today’s fast-paced, often disconnected world, Maitri is more relevant than ever. It reminds us that love is not just about grand gestures or fleeting emotions—it is about cultivating a deep, steady presence of kindness in our interactions.
1. Maitri in Romantic Relationships ❤️
Maitri teaches us that the strongest relationships are built on deep friendship rather than just passion or attraction. Love that is rooted in Maitri is patient, accepting, and supportive, rather than controlling or possessive.
🔹 Example: Instead of feeling threatened by your partner’s success, practice Maitri by celebrating their happiness as your own. Support their growth, even when it challenges your comfort zone.
🔹 Valentine’s Day Connection: Rather than focusing on external expectations (gifts, fancy dinners), consider how you can truly show up for your partner with kindness, active listening, and presence. A heartfelt note expressing what you admire in them can mean more than a material gift.
2. Maitri in Self-Love & Inner Healing 🌿
Maitri begins within—you cannot truly love others if you do not first extend kindness to yourself. Many people struggle with self-criticism, perfectionism, and harsh inner dialogue, but yoga teaches us that true love starts with accepting ourselves as we are.
🔹 Example: Instead of berating yourself for mistakes, practice Maitri by offering yourself the same compassion you would give to a friend. Speak kindly to yourself, rest when needed, and honour your needs.
🔹 Valentine’s Day Connection: This day doesn’t have to be about external love—it can be a time to practice deep self-care and affirm your own worth. Whether single or partnered, treat yourself with the love you deserve.
3. Maitri in Friendships & Community 🤝
Maitri encourages genuine, uplifting friendships based on mutual joy rather than competition. In a world of social media comparison and superficial interactions, cultivating deep, meaningful connections is an act of love.
🔹 Example: Instead of feeling envious of a friend’s happiness, actively celebrate their wins. Send a message congratulating them or express genuine joy for their good fortune. This strengthens bonds rather than creating silent resentment.
🔹 Valentine’s Day Connection: Valentine’s Day can also be about friendship and community. Reach out to a friend who might be feeling lonely, organise agathering, or send a thoughtful message to someone who has supported you.
4. Maitri in Global Love & Kindness 🌍
Maitri extends beyond personal relationships—it is about compassion for all beings. The world is often divided by conflict and misunderstanding, but yoga teaches us that love is a unifying force that dissolves boundaries.
🔹 Example: Offer Maitri to strangers through small acts of kindness—holding a door open, giving up your seat, or simply smiling at someone who looks downcast.
🔹 Valentine’s Day Connection: Instead of viewing love as something exclusive to couples, consider spreading love to those who might not receive it—elderly neighbours, service workers, or those in need.
Bringing Maitri into Your Daily Life
🌸 Morning Reflection: Before starting your day, take a moment to silently repeat:"May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be safe. May I live with ease."Then extend the same wish to loved ones, friends, and even those you may struggle with.
🌿 Loving-Kindness Meditation: Close your eyes and visualise someone you love. Send them a mental wish for happiness. Then extend this feeling toward others—eventually including yourself.
💖 Gratitude & Connection: Each night, reflect on one way you practiced Maitri and one way someone else showed it to you.
Maitri as the True Spirit of Love
Valentine’s Day often emphasises romantic gestures, but true love—yogic love—is much deeper. Maitri reminds us that love is a way of being, not just a feeling. When we replace comparison with joy, criticism with kindness, and expectation with presence, we embody the highest form of love.
Whether you are celebrating with a partner, with friends, or on your own, let this be a day of deep, authentic connection—to yourself, to others, and to the world. ❤️ .........
Artwork in images 2, 3 and 4 by HHHEININGE
Comments